Sick lab mate

Ok, so I am wondering how many people also have that person in their lab that just does not want to work, ever, and also LOVES to bring as MUCH attention to that fact as possible- there's absolutely NO subtlety.  Today, my that person is having a banner whining and complaining day.  My that person is suddenly allergic to "something in the air."  My that person is wheezing incessantly and loudly - so that it doesn't really sound like a wheeze, it's more like a loud gravely death gasp.  To stop the rasp, my that person has abducted an air filter mask and is wearing it around the lab.  So my that person now has a ~6" x 6" blue cloth with metal bands around the nose and two bright yellow rubber bands around the head, bunching the hair up two inches higher then it would be at rest.  Together, the mask and hair and rasp receives more attention then a black wedding dress.  Anyway, not only is my that person wearing the stupid mask, but also, through the wheezes and panting, has mentioned, in a barley audible voice, how hard it is to work no less then 72 times.  And when you talk to my that person there is this bulging-eyed look on that persons face that says, "I am in more pain than you."  I just want to slap that face.